PartIWarmingupSectionAThePorterFamily ’’,andshe’;,makearequest,,imagineyouandyourpartnerinafoxhole,,findawaytoprotectthepartnership!Whenyoufeel“distant,”,irritable,,sexual,emotional,“understand,”notto“win.”: Havingbeenmarriedformorethan40years,Icanattesttothetruthofthefollowingstatement:Toexcelintheartofdomesticargument,onemustmastertheartoflosing. Modernpsychologistsaretakenwiththe“win-win”,essresidesmorein“lose-lose”,,losinggivesagiftthatalwaysreturns. Theissuesthatpeopleargueovermostinmarriage,suchashowtospendmoney,oftenaren’:Whoisgoingtobeincontrol?WhenIwasyounger,myneedtocontrolaroseoutoffear,alackoftrust,’tneedtocontrolmywife—that,indeed,Ioughtnottocontrolher,thatIcouldn’tcontrolher,andthatifItriedto,Iwoulddestroyourmarriage—wasthedayourmarriagebegan. Whatisitwewantmostfromamarriage?,cultivateandharvestthemostpreciousofcrops,ourownself,andinwhichourspouseisprovidedthesamerichsoilinwhichtobloom. Wecannotobtainwhatwewantunlessourpartneralsoget
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