steven_reiss_who_am_i_the_16_basic_desires_that_motivate_our_actions_and_define_our_personalities__2002.pdf

Who Am I? 9778_00_i- 10/29/01 12:26 PM Page i III Power Independence Curiosity Acceptance Order Saving Honor Idealism Social Contact Family Status VengeanceRomance Eating Physical Activity Tranquility The 16 Basic Desires That Motivate Our Behavior and Define Our Personality Steven Reiss,. Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam a member of Penguin Putnam Inc. New York Who Am I? 9778_00_i- 10/29/01 12:26 PM Page iii Jeremy P. Tarcher/Putnam a member of Penguin Putnam Inc., 375 Hudson Street, New York, NY10014, . Copyright ? 2000 by Steven Reiss, . All rights reserved. This book, or parts thereof, may not be reproduced in any form without permission. ISBN 0-7865-1729-8 First edition (electronic): November 2001 Making or distributing electronic copies of this book constitutes copy- right infringement and could subject the infringer to criminal and civil liability. TO MIKE AND BEN 9778_00_i- 10/29/01 12:26 PM Page v Contents Introduction 1 PART I The Basic Desires That Make Our Lives Meaningful 1 What Is a Basic Desire? 17 2 Why My Dog Saves Socks 35 3 Why Kids and Elephants Will Make You Wet 52 4 Why a Secretary Feared Heights 66 5 One Size Does Not Fit All 83 6 I Don’t Get It, and Neither Do You 99 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26 27 28 29 30 31 32 33 34 35 S 36 R 9778_00_i- 10/29/01 12:26 PM Page vii PART II How the Basic Desires Are Satisfied 7 Value-Based Happiness 123 8 How Relationships Grow 142 9 Turning Work Into Play 163 10 All in the Family 184 11 Why My Father Was a Mets Fan 201 12 The Scienti?c Study of the Human Spirit 222 Afterword 243 Appendix 250 Bibliography 263 Endnotes 265 Index 275 9778_00_i- 10/29/01 12:26 PM Page viii Introduction Sometimes we e so consumed by our daily business that we forget to take a look at the larger picture of who we are and where we are headed in life. We go through the actions of work, child